Spontaneous Rasslin Prose 004

Impact 2/11/10, Smackdown 2/12/10, NWA Saturday Night 3/28/87 , WWF Stampede 97, McGuinness vs Steen 7/25/08, TNA Press Conference, RAW 2/15/10, ROH on HDNet 2/15/10

“You will not watch that anywhere…in this country…while watching pro wrestling.” – Taz speaking of The Amazing Red’s spinny thing over the top rope. Really should remember the name of that move. Doug Williams awesome rolling chaos theory: “That move is AWESOME.” – Taz again. “(Some absurd comment about pistons and revving up blah blah blah)” – about the Beautiful People – Taz once again. I think we are seeing the devolution of Taz’s commentary skills as time goes on much like we’ve seen with Mike Tenay. It’s six days past and much of Impact is a blur but there was a rub with Eric Young and Hulk Hogan and another wink wink to the smarts as Hogan says “he knows who you are” and wrestling wise Red/Williams had a respectable short x division match and who can’t love that rolling chaos thing and then AJ wears some fancy shades while getting serious with Joe. You can almost take AJ serious. Almost. Moving on. Smackdown is CM Punk. Let me clearly state my infatuation with CM Punk. It started on a Fall night in the suburbs of Chicago at an LWF show in 1998. I sat there with my other wrestling friends and we watched this skinny fellow with a Pepsi and Cobra Commander tattoo enter the Lemont “Dome” ring with the same cocky personality he has to this day. Coming from a similar backyarder background but actually *becoming* a pro wrestler, being a damn good one at that, and having an original personality makes me a huge fan of this guy. He comes up to ECW a few years back and I mark out to see him on TV. He slowly builds his name in WWE and seems to achieve slightly more than mid-carder status and even gets the WWE title with the cheap Money in the Bank win. All this time Punk fans from the past know he’s got this heel straight edge personality waiting in the wings and we’re just itching for him to pull it out on WWE TV. Summer 2009 comes around, we finally get it, and Punk really starts to find his groove. It’s like he’s been biding his time to pull the trigger knowing this was his future in the company. And really I don’t think it would have worked as well if he had just come into the company with the heel persona. We get some wonderful promos throughout the summer and Fall and things cool off a little for him with some supposed dress code issue but then December 09 comes around and we get the Straight Edge Society that sorta works with Luke Gallows but flippin rules after Serena is introduced because how completely creepy are Punk and her? Seriously. Punk is working the David Corresh thing like a charm and I have to wonder if he’s been watching Joey Ryan matches because really who thinks to work the chest hair anymore? And Dave Batista is apparently a mute and can’t talk anymore and is REALLY REALLY ANGRY ABOUT IT. Oh and Maria is Matt Hardy’s Valentine? Riiiight and then Jericho gets the rare, rare semi-clean pin on Taker? Not up to the levels of Smackdown from last year but better than average as of late. Sometime over the weekend also watched a few minutes of NWA SN 3/28/87 and damn Bobby Eaten was a pasty dude and Flair goes bizerko in a wacky promo on Ole. I totally forgot about the details of the Ole/Horseman feud. This was in the glory days of my childhood wrestling viewing but I’m thinking I didn’t really start watching until mid to late 87 as most memories start around Starrcade ’87. Always loved the Luger-grunt-kicks, pointy boots, gold chain, and stone washed jeans. Stumbled upon Steen/Nigel from Toronto 7/25/2008 and unfortunately Steen is starting to grow on me but I still find him completely revolting. I think it’s his unshaven face, his sweat, his flying snot rockets. I don’t know. I don’t understand these feelings. Anyway. Steen can work. He’s believable (which is rare these days) and kept up with Nigel. I have to ask, though, are there any Canadian wrestlers who have not used the Sharpshooter? TNA Monday Night Announcement Press Conference was BIZARRE. Dixie Carter always appears to be scared poopless when she talks. Like the most awkward public speaker ever. And then she starts talking about Hulk Hogan’s rocket fuel? And IMPACT! will be on Monday nights “FOREVER!” Hogan gets his promo on and starts SHOOTIN’ BROTHER THE BOYS UP NORTH ARE RUNNIN’ WITH THEIR HEADS CUT OFF AND THE BOYS ARE PSYCHED THEY GOT COMPETITION BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER BROTHER. And oh boy RAW. What the hell is going on. The Bret storyline just makes me want to cry. It’s like Vince is trying to take everything from my mid-90s wrestling memories and completely destroy it. First ECW and now the Bret SS 97 angle. First we have Bret cutting the least believable promo ever. “Hi everyone. Hey I’m sad. I guess this is good bye. 🙁 :(.” Cue Bret walking slowly out of the arena. Then we have Bret saying goodbye to the WWE staff, 90% of whom he appears to not know, except for Primo (“Say Hi to your Dad :(“) and sees Evan Bourne and is all “Uhmmm….” and then maybe a heart-to-heart with Cena and then a bizarre, bizarre car accident scene. Like surreal slow motion c-movie style. I started clocking out after this and then Jerry Springer comes out and I JUST GIVE UP and spend the rest of the evening hacking my Mac Mini to capture video from my Motorola DVR. Another 5 AM viewing of ROH on HDNet. Much like Steen, Necro Butcher is growing on me. I think his appeal started growing on me after reading a newspaper interview with him at home talking about his kids and maybe his increased use of plastic bags as weapons. There was some promo with Erich Stevens that reminds me why I hate so many of today’s characters – so overworked and forced. Steen’s creepiness grows as he kisses Kyle Durden on the forehead. Some squash match with Skull Crusher – the big rudo who also wears indie worker shin pads? Cheech and Cloudy get the big Mulkey Brothers win and the Steen push continues with win over Delirious but more importantly – he licked his bicep during this match. 🙁 🙁 🙁


  1. David Lo Pan says:

    The Invasion angle called. It thinks Vince is missing the boat with Bret Hart.

  2. Black Cat says:

    Glad I’m not the only one baffled by the Hart/McMahon angle. Lots of strange build-up for WrestleMania this year. Did they mention anything about Shawn/Taker this week on Raw?

  3. David Lo Pan says:

    I don’t think so. Sadly, wwe can’t hold my attention for an entire show so I might have missed something. Especially when they have a 15 minute segment devoted to how many different people porked kelly kelly on “raw is springer”. Also, instead of this bret/vince crap I think it would have been cool to have shawn/undertaker rematch build-up with bret as a special referee – ya know, like a twist on summerslam 97? Shawn wouldn’t like it cause his obsession with ending taker’s streak would be in jeopardy and taker wouldn’t like it cause he lost the last time he was in the ring with these two with one of them as a guest ref. But what do I know? I’m just a fan of 20 years and not a hollywood soap opera writer so I could be wrong.